A Song of Becoming

 

Was it worth it?

Is there any good?

Did it change you for the better 

in some small ways or big?

Maybe not in so many words,

Maybe not to you,

But there is something beautiful in the
"I wouldn't have chosen this", it's true.

Was it worth it?

I'm not sure,

But what I know is this:
"I am here"

I did not cave, I did not break in fear.

I'm proud of the woman I'm becoming,

One who isn't afraid to say,

"Damn, that almost killed me,

but I did it anyway."

I want to soften in my middle years,

Hold other people loosely

Allow those I love to get it wrong,

 And love them harder still

I will sing my song even louder,

Not discouraged by the cry, 
"This isn't who we thought you were,

Good Women don't ask 'why?'"

I am bringing out my largeness,

I refuse to hold me back

I am fiercely soft and tender,

I am strong enough not to crack

I will listen with intention,

I will act with confidence

I know who I'm becoming,

The veil no longer fits.


The Shattering/The Becoming


In the beginning, before there were words
Before things didn’t make sense in this world,
You were Light without trying,
You didn’t need to strive
You were dancing Beauty with nothing to hide

But then you were trained to:
Cover up, tone it down
Certainty became the ultimate virtue
Grow up and please them now,
While cloaked in flawless performance

Simultaneously play small/do it all
You don’t have to choose
(tenderness sacrificed on the altar of success—

just the small parts you lose)

Delicate, aching,
your supple skin strained
An attack on your innocence—
Where cracks soon appeared

Stuck, trapped,
you can’t break out
Expectations are suffocating
like an opaque, heavy shroud


Clutch at the canvas
stretched over your frame,
Keeping you quiet, keeping you tame
When it’s ripped off,
You’re exposed and raw
Everything you know is gone

Shatter the plaster cast holding your form:
Keeping you static; Keeping you safe
Rip off the patches sewn onto your heart
Your translucent Beauty awaits.

When the shroud has been shredded,
and there’s nowhere to hide
Who are you really,
On the sacred inside?

You are luminous
You are light
You belong to no one,
save the One you came from.
You are equal parts earthy and divine
Caught in between the now and not yet


You shriek in The Shattering
when it all comes crumbling down
You sing in The Becoming
as you find your long lost self


And now, in the middle, when you grasp a few words
Even though things don’t make sense in this world,
You are Light without trying
There’s no need to strive,
You are dancing Beauty
You have nothing to hide.

Shadow and Light

She used to spend her days

wandering around from room to room

Banishing all the shadows

Dismissing all the gloom

 

She threw open all the windows

until light flooded every hue

No space for sorrow,

nothing less than "perfect",

 could ever be on view

 

Beauty on display

No crack could ever show

Bright exposures and sunlight

Cast an effervescent glow

 

But deep down inside

Layered under all the filters,

Lived a little girl who felt deeply--

who longed for tender shelter

 

A room that was safe to just be

Uncovered, unposed, unexplained

A place where both shadow and light could coexist

And for that to be ok.

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